


As we stay

by stars_on_ganymede



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Bonding over the threat of death, Cancer, I TRY-, I’m sorry but this is on hiatus, M/M, Multi, Suicide Attempt, Tree Bros, aaaaaaaaaaaaaa, but I try to make happy-, hospital stay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-01-22 17:30:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 9,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12487068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars_on_ganymede/pseuds/stars_on_ganymede
Summary: Sooo...Evan tried to kill himself...yeah it canon but he was found out. But he is being kept in a hospital room with a fellow classmate who's name is Connor Murphy who he doesn't know what Connor is in for. But lots of stuff happens relationships are made and you will need to read to find out!(In Evan's POV)





	1. The beginning

Evan's POV

Something I did not expect was to be figured out. All it took was some simple doubt and everything came spilling out. About the attempt, how long I was planning it, and where I was planning it. Now I'm waiting for my room to be set up with my mom sitting beside me without her saddest face ever. God why could I not keep my mouth shut. My mom looked to me as if saying 'why would you ever think about that'. She looks scared. Is she scared of the fact I tried? The fact that I could of left her alone in this cruel world? I hear the door open. In comes the nurse. She smiles to me sweetly. I could see she was faking it. "Mr Hansen your room is set up, your roommate is sleeping so I recommend you stay quiet. He was informed on your arrival so don't worry about that." I look up panicked. I have a roommate?!? Mom seemed to pick up on my panic and squeezed my hand comfortingly. "It Will be fine honey, maybe you could befriend him" "Maybe" I reply. But what if I mess up and he hates me? What if- my thoughts were inturupted by the nurse clearing her throat to get my attention again. "Shall we get going Mr.Hansen?" I nod, getting up my mom getting up too. We walk out of the room towards a different room. I knew my way around this hospital cause my mom showed me around. And I knew exactly what direction we were heading, the long term rooms.

These rooms are where you go when you have to stay in the hospital for a while. Either suicide attempt, some sort of terminal illness,or rehab. Usually you will have a room partner cause with these you cannot get infected and they need to keep up on space. We stopped at a door. Number 3321. Mom smiled tiredly. "I should get back to work soon, I'm lucky Teresa was able to cover for me for this. Evan honey, I will come back later with some of your clothes. They allow only one keepsake from home so I'm also gonna bring one of your bonsai trees. It should be safe." She kissed my on the cheek quickly "see you later Evan" and she quickly walked off. The nurse who walked me to the room motioned for me to enter. Talking a deep breath I twisted the door handle bracing myself for what to come next


	2. Meeting

I entered the room. Looking around my eyes landed on someone. I recognize that person. It's Connor Murphy, or as dubbed by Jared 'School shooter' or 'Printer thrower Murphy'. He doesn't even bother to look up from the book he was reading. Looking around the room a see an empty bed. Assuming it was the one I would be sleeping on I set the stuff down that I had. Which was a schedule of when they serve food and when my meetings with my assigned Doctor and group therapy happened. There was also a set of rules on back like no fighting and no vandalizing...that sort of stuff. Sitting down on my bed I looked though my schedule 

8:00 am: breakfast 

10:00 am: crafts (changes every month)

...crafts?...I'm suprised in even in that...cause I'm pretty sure there are gonna be what would be considered sharps in that...but not complaining...

11:00 am: daily check up with Dr. Sherman

1:00 pm: lunch

3:00 pm: group therapy 

5:00 pm: Dinner

9:00 pm: curfew

And during free time your allowed to do stuff like go to the game room, go to the flower garden, that kind of stuff. As you be good you get points and you get privileges like that with your points. Since I am new and have no points I'm allowed To go to the game room but have to have a person who has been there longer to keep an eye on me. I hear someone clear their throat. Looking up I see Connor looking at me. I freeze up in his glare.

After a bit he speaks "you seem familiar...but I can't put a name on it...you are obviously from my grade though. Care to refresh me on your name?" I sit there awkwardly not knowing hot to respond. I get brought back when he starts waving his hand in founds of my face saying "hello? Anybody in there?" With an obviously annoyed face. "S-sorry! Just zoned out there...." He nodded. "Can you answer my question?" I nod "y-yeah...my name is Evan?" For some reason it came out as a question. Some sort of recognization flashes in his face "oh yeah....Evan Hansen... The kid who fainted when you had to do a presentation in front of the class in 9th if I'm correct" I nod blushing at the fact he brought up a embarrassing memory. "Yeah....that's me..." He nods "hey, by the way...why did you faint like that...it was probably one of the most easiest presentations we had?" "Oh....uh.....I have Social anxiety..." I muttered 

"oh..." He seemed to realize he brought up some thing sensitive and decided to change the topic "well I'm Connor Murphy, but I'm sure you already knew that" I simply nodded. "Anyways what brings you to this place? I'm pretty sure a simple broken arm won't cause you to be trapped in this hell hole" I nodded. "I'd rather not talk about it..." Taking the hint he stopped questioning. He decided to go back to his book. "Hey, what are you reading?" I ask breaking the silence after a few minutes. "The Outsiders" he responds. I nod. "Good book"

After a while I check the time. mom said she would be back around this time. And right as I thought that someone knocked at the door. Getting up I open the door to see my mom. She smiles "May I come in?" I nod stepping aside. She enters giving me the bag with my clothes and sets the bonsai tree she promised to bring in by the window. She smiles weakly "Sorry it took a bit, lost track of time" I respond "It's ok" she looks around then her eyes land on Connor who has fell asleep. She quietly says "have you talked to your roommate?" "Yes" I respond. "Well I should get going...Oh! By the way before I forget Jared said he is gonna try and visit you on the upcoming Visiter day so you'll see him soon!" I smiled a fake smile trying to seem happy about it when I am really just confused on why he would visit me.. Anyways mom kissed my forehead and headed out. 

When mom left Connor get up. Confused I asked him "Weren't you asleep?" He smirks "it's called pretending. I usually do that when people come in. The reason I didn't to you was I wanted to talk to you." I nod. He gets up and looks at my bonsai tree. "a tiny tree?" He asks. I nod smiling "A bonsai tree! They are the smallest trees and take hundreds of years to grow! You also can design them any way you want!" He seemed amused by my enthusiasm. "You seem to know your trees, Hansen" I nod " I'm sorta a tree expert now, I was a apprentice park ranger before I was sent here." He nods. "Well tell me more on trees then Tree expert Hansen".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done with part two~ I'm quite happy with the positive feedback I got from the last part and I happily present the second part! Well hope you enjoyed!!


	3. Trees and things

I informed him with the vast knowlage of trees I have. He seemed to listen to my rambling, which surprised me cause usually nobody my age would be interested in this stuff...especially someone like Jared who would just block out my rambling. I was about to apologize for taking up his time with my rambling but he stopped me "Hansen, don't. You seem to know your stuff on this topic and its intresting. Plus I asked if you could tell me stuff." I nodded. He seemed to glance down at my cast again.

"It hasn't been signed." He states. "W-well...I just got it on so..." He nods cutting me of from speaking again "I can sign it" He quips and goes over to his desk again "oh no, you don't have to do that! I'm fine!" I respond feeling as if he is just pitying me. He looks at me straight in the eyes with a sharpie in hand. "Hansen, I want to do this. Now give me your arm." Not fighting back I just stick out my arm with the cast to him. He harshly grabs it. I let out a soft 'ow' wincing. He lets out a quick apology and clipping writes his name on my cast with huge letters. "Now we can both pretend we have friends." He states proudly at his work. I just weakly nod not knowing how to respond.

"Hey, can I see your schedule?" He questions grabbing out a paper he had in his desk, which I'm guessing is his schedule. I hold out my schedule to him which he quickly takes. he skims over both of them handing mine back after. "We both have Crafts, and group therapy at the same time." I smile softly nodding. I'm at least happy I have someone who I know in two of my things. 

He checks the time. "Dinner should be starting soon. And you came at the wrong time. It's Meat suprise. You are defined gonna die from that. But I'm good with one of the cooks. I can get us something bette so don't worry your little tree loving head" "Oh,ok" I dumbly respond. "c'mon, if you want that we would have to leave now." He helps me up and we walk out.

"You know your way around yet?" He asks as we head out. "Y-yeah, my mom works here as a nurse so yep. I was shown around a while ago" he nods "I recommend I just get us both the food and we split up. It would be better for you." "Why" I ask. "You know how popular I am at school, you think it's gonna be different here?" He ask with a seemingly annoyed voice. "Oh..." I respond. We get the food that is supposedly better then the meat suprise then split up. After a bit others come in. People noticed and stared at me. I hear whispers of "is that a new kid?","What do you think is up with him?", and that sort of stuff. Some came over and talked to me, But they got bored after a bit.

A nurse walks over. "Evan Hansen?" He asks looking up from a clip bored. I nod. He hands me a cup with perscribed medicines. My anxiety meds and some antidepressants added into it making it even more of a medicine cocktail. "Also I was told Dr. Sherman wanted to talk to you after dinner." I nod "ok" I say getting a bit uncomfortable. Why does Dr. Sherman want to talk to me? Did I mess up even more in the short time I was here? Was I not supposed to 'befriend' Connor? In my internal monologue the nurse left. I take my meds and finish up waiting for dinner to finish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAND IT CONTINUES


	4. Dr. Sherman

I head over to Dr. Sherman's Office. I stand slightly fidgety at the door before entering. Dr. Sherman looks up. "Ah, Evan! Exactly who I was expecting. Sit down then" he motions to the chair across from him. I sit down. "So how are you fitting in?" He asks not looking up from my papers. "I-I'm doing fine I guess..." He nods. "Did you meet your room mate?" I nod. "He can seem intimidating but really is a troubled but good kid. He doesn't deserve what he is here for..." I look up from the desk I was keeping my eyes on "w-what is he here for?" I question confused. "He hasn't told you?" He asks. I nod. Dr. Sherman sighs "it's not my buisness to tell you this stuff but you probably find out soon enough if something happens." I nod confused. Dr. Sherman smiles "well I just wanted to check in on how you are fitting in on your first day, you are free to go Evan." I stand up questions racing through my head and leave. I definently won't be able to sleep with this.

I head back to the room and flop face first into the bed. "Something wrong?" I hear Connor ask from across the room. "No just tired" I half lie to him. He seems to accept the response before going over to turn on a lamp on his side of the room and turn off the main light. "Then sleep, your gonna need it." I make a small noise in response before just layin on the bed and suprisingly soon enough falling asleep.

My dream was strange. Like I obviously knew I was dreaming...I think it's called lucid dreaming?? But like I couldn't control my body. Then I recognized where I was. The state park. And I was heading in the direction of where I broke my arm. I struggled to get away. Tried to gain control of my body, But I couldn't. I just plodded on. I gave up but also hoped with all my heart that I wasn't heading in the direction of the tree. But my hopes were fruitless. I stopped right in front of the tree. And started to climb up no...no...nononononononono I wanna scream I wanna struggle but I know doing so would lead to myself falling. So I stayed still, internally screaming no. The only thing allowed out were tears. I reached the spot. I sat there and slipped up slightly. My body grabbing quickly at a Branch as a reflex. I stay there for a moment. Then let go. And I woke up. 

Drenched in sweat I look around. I notice Connor. He seemed to be just about getting out of bed before I shot up from my sleep. I must of woken him up. And then came the panic attack. Next thing I remember was I was shaking badly and there was a nurse at the end of my bed talking softly to me. I see Connor watching with concern. "You ok there?" The nurse asks softly. I manage a shaky nod. The nurse gets up. "I'll get you a cup of water." And she gets up and leaves. Connor walks over. "Uh...you had a panic attack..I don't know how to handle those so I got a nurse. I hope that's ok" I smile to him not trusting my voice to be stable after that. The nurse comes in with a small dixy cup of water. I gladly take it drinking the water in the cup before throwing it in the trash can next to my bed. The nurse turns to Connor "thanks for telling us about this. I'll suggest to your doctor for you to get taught on how to handle a panic attack. Connor nods. The nurse spares one more glance at me before leaving. We are left in a comfortable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


	5. Jared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand here we have a wild Jared Kleinman
> 
> ANGST WARNING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST WARNING

The week flies by quickly in Evan's opinion. He wishes it went by slower. But now it's the day. Visiting day. Jared was coming. Now the reason why is unknown to the boy. Jared was supposed to be at summer camp but came back when he heard about his attempt. He is probably coming to berate Him about trying and that he would loose his car insurance a voice in the back of his head said. Evan jumped slightly in his seat whenever someone enters the room. The room he is in is a comfy huge room filled with chatting families. Evan even spotted Zoe once so Connor's family was probably there. It was funny actually watching Connor scramble around trying to stay away from his family. Evan noted in the back of his mind to ask about that later. The door opens again. Evan peaks a glance and there right in his glory was Jared fucking Kleinman as Connor would put it. 

Jared peaked around but found exactly what he was looking for. The neatly gelled honey blond hair and worry filled Gray/blue/green eyes of his "family friend" Evan Hansen. He strode over to him, Trying to mask his worry with a cocky smirk. "yo Ev! How you been?" He questions allowing some worry to show. "I've been better" Evan responds not even looking up to Jared. He keeps his eyes planted to the tiles of the room. Jared shrugs and flops into a chair besides Evan. "Understandable. For myself I had to miss capture the flag at camp to see you. I noticed I was being checked out by this Israli chick who was going into the army. Im pretty sure we could of gotten to second base if I stayed if you know what I mean." He wiggled his eyebrows. Evan snorts. But after sighs meeting up with Jared's eyes. "you didn't have to come Jared...so why?" Jared's eyes Harden before looking directly at Evan "so you want a direct answer or do you wanna shit around before it?" "Direct" Evan says, in suprisingly confidence. He even seemed suprised at the confidence before allowing it to lead him. "why did you try?" Jared states. Suddenly Evan's confidence faltered. "I-I......I don't know..." Jared's eyes soften at the sight of his "Family friend". "I care about you Evan, I really do. I've been an ass. I wanna fix that." Tears start to form in Both of the eyes of the two boys. "Will you allow me to fix it? I know I've been an ass to you. But I want to be in better relations to you." "Jared...." Tears are streaming down Evan's face. "I consider you more then a Family friend Evan" 

"Then why didn't you act like it."

Evan grips the sides of the seat. 

"Evan-"

"Jared. Stop. Stop trying to butter me up." 

"I'm not!"

"S-stop! Just stop it!" Evan rises from his chair. Fists clenched.

"Evan I'm not buttering you up!"

"STOP LYING TO ME!" Evan roared.

Some nurses hear the commotion. They rush over. Evan seems to notice and runs. Two nurses change him. The last one comes over to Jared. "You should leave." They state softly. Jared just nods heading towards the door unaware of the tall, long dark brown haired boy glaring at him from a corner.

Connor stands up after Jared leaves. He needs to find Evan. He strides out of the room ignoring the shout of him family trying to call him over. He heads over to their shared room. No Tree boy there. He heads over to his second guess. The bathroom. And sure enough he can hear messy sobbing. He knocks at the door. The crying stops. For a moment there is silence before Connor calls out "It's Connor" he hears a scramble in the room before a click. Opening the door he finds Evan, red Puffy eyes, and looks like hell. He sits beside him. They sit there for a while before Evan clings to him and starts sobbing again. Connor stiffens up. Not knowing what to do he awkwardly pats the smaller boy on the back. Once the crying is out of his system he looks up the Connor. "Sorry you had to see that." He mutters softly. "No problem Hansen. Kleinman is an asshole anyways." Evan simply nods. "You wanna get out of this dirty ass bathroom?" He asks standing up offering the smaller boy his hand. He simply nods taking Connor's hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAA SORRY FOR THE WAIT-
> 
>  
> 
> I tried to deliver something worth the long ass wait but it's probably not that good, but anyways please kudos, comment, or share if you even want! Please also give back feedback! Constructive criticism is key to a writer's content!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk and go through a normal day there I guess....? Also something might happen~

The next day started out normal...to normal. He ate breakfast took his meds and headed to his first thing of the day. Crafts. He mainly sat alone preferring not to talk to people as he draws. He hasn’t seen Connor in the room when he woke up which worried him. But crafts went quickly. The check in went quickly, and now he has an hour till lunch. He had builder up enough points to allow him to be trusted in the garden but cannot garden anything yet. So he heads out there. He likes it out there. Trees, flowers, different plants. It’s peaceful. Once he arrived out into the garden he spots someone. Connor, he is relaxing next to a tree with what looks like a book. I head over and sit next to him. He looks up, sees it is me then starts reading again.

“W-What are you reading?” I ask trying to spark up a conversation.

“ the little prince”

“Never read it before”

And with that Connor looked at me with pity.

“That’s sad, it’s a good book. I’ll allow you to read my copy when I’m done and if you are cleared on books.”

I nod confirming. 

“Then it is settled” and with that the bell rung alerting us of lunch.

“Wow that quick? C’mon Hansen let’s get going” he gets up with a bit of a struggle. There was a flash of sadness on his face that didn’t go unnoticed by me but I left it be. As we walked I brought up something that wa son my mind.

“You weren’t there when I woke up, where were you?”

“One of my doctors wanted to talk to me about something.” And with that he stopped talking and continued to stride on. Once we make it to the cafeteria we split up like usual. I ate as my mind swarmed with questions on what Connor Said. What did he mean?   
The day went on quickly after that. Connor would only offer quick answers to stuff and tended just to bury his face into his book. He was getting more snappy too. It worries me. The night was quickly approaching and soon enough it arrived. Connor went to bed a while ago claiming he was super tired and didn’t want to deal with today any more then he had to. With having nothing to do I do the same.  
I wake up to a loud thump. Glancing over to Connor he was on the floor, curled in on himself and clutching his head. I was going to go over until he looks over to me. It looks like he was about to say something before he cries out and next thing I knew he was having a seizure. I press the emergency button on the wall and I hear running. A nurse rushes in. Seeing Connor having a seizure she calls out to the other people to get a wheelchair. The nurse looks to me.

“He’s going to be fine just help me get him up”

I do as told and another nurse comes in with a wheelchair. Putting them in they wheel Connor off and the original nurse looks at me with pity.

“Thank you for alerting us of this, he is going to be fine. You should get some rest” And with that she leaves

How is she expecting me to sleep after that???


	7. BONUS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So like Someone suggested I do a bonus chapter on how Jared found out and I’m like sure! Why not!
> 
> So here it is

Jared’s POV

I was eating my lunch when I heard it. Through the camp speakers I heard “Jared Kleinman report to the main office”. That was weird, I’m pretty sure I haven't Done anything to warrant me a trip there so what’s the deal. I got up and left quickly dumping the rest of I sandwich which wasn’t that good anyways, nor did I have anybody sitting with me so no one to wave goodbye to. On my way to the camp office my mind started to wonder. How is Evan doing? Evan really is the only person who talks to me even though I has been only an ass to him. God he doesn’t deserve that. As soon as I walked in I felt eyes on me. Eyes showing pity. God was it that bad?

“I was called in?” I ask. The counter person simply nodded their head towards the main camp councilor’s room. Shit. Was it that bad? I slowly walk over and knock. Hearing a come in I enter.

The main camp counselor looks up “Jared Kleinman I presume?” I nod. “Yeah that’s me and if I did something bad I swear I was framed!”

The main camp counselor chuckles “your not In here for your thinking Mr. Kleinman” I let out a sigh of relief but still nervous. If I didn’t do anything wrong, why am I here?

“May I ask why i’m Here then?” I ask.

“it’s hard to explain Mr. Kleinman, I’m sure it’ll be better to explain if the person who informed us told you.” Glancing at a sticky note which I presume has the number and entering it into the phone. It rings for a moment, it was on speaker. It gets picked up.

“Hello?” I recognize that voice. Heidi Hansen. Evan’s mom.

The main counselor speaks “This is the main counselor at lake horseshoe summer camp, i’ve Called Jared over like you asked.” Why would she ask for me?

“Oh good, I think Jared’ll rather have this conversation alone so if you could leave?”

“Sure! Take your time!” And with that the main counselor left.

A couple of seconds pass. “Jared, you there?” I heard over the phone.

“Y-Yeah, I’m here,” god did I stutter? “Why you need to talk to me Ms. Hansen?”

“Jared I told you many times you can call me Heidi!”

I chuckle under my breath “right right, sorry. Anyways you wanted to talk to me about something?”

I hear what sound like a sniffle. Wait...a sniffle? Was Heidi Crying? Oh god. “Yes...I did, I think you should know about this. You are friends with Evan after all.” Wait. Did something happen to Evan? I freeze up. 

“What happened” I managed to get out.

Heidi hesitated before answering “Evan tried to kill himself.”

With those five words the world seemed to crumble in on me. Evan Hansen. My only friend who I have been an asshole to since middle school, that Evan Hansen tried to kill himself. Heidi spoke up again.

“He jumped out of a tree and luckily survived with a slight concussion and a broken arm. How we found out was some letters in his bag found by the person who found him. There was three letters in there suspected as suicide notes. One of them was for you Jared,” I sucked in a breath.

“I think you might want to see the letter. I arranged for your parents to get you home tonight and tomorrow I can give you the letter. We talked to the camp and they agreed to send you home with a refund of the days you are missing.” “Ok” I say not trusting my voice. “See you tomorrow then” and she hung up. 

I sat in silence for a moment prossessing what happened. I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder. It’s the main counselor. “Your parents should arrive at 4 today. You have the rest of the time to get your stuff together. I’ve informed others to make sure nobody bothers you.” I nod “thank you sir” and head out.

Time seemed to pass by slowly and when the time came I got in my parents vehicle giving them a weak smile as they give me pitying looks. When we got home I just simply went to my room and went to sleep not wanting to go though today much longer. 

Th next day came quickly and next thing I knew I I was parked outside the Hansen household. I was quickly ushered in by Heidi, she lead me to the table and handed me a piece of notebook paper. I’m guessing the note. I read it

Dear Jared, I know you probably out having fun with camp friends out at camp. But when your reading this I’m probably dead and all I have to say if I’m sorry you were stuck with me, hey at least you do my have to depend on me for car insurance now! Sincerely, Evan Hansen

I gripped the paper hand in my hands. I feel tears falling down my face. Heidi simply pat’s my back with a weak smile. 

“I want to Visit Evan.” Heidi looks up.

“Visitor day is next Monday you can go then” I nod. 

So be it. God damn it Evan, why did you try to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo done! I’ll actually do the next update tomorrow so don’t worry just have this for now


	8. Connor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> H

Connor came back the next morning. He was asleep. He looked so peaceful sleeping. The way his hair falls on his face, unlike the way he looked when _That_ Happened. I barely slept last night. All that played through my head was his face. The pain etched on his face. It scares me. I just played memories, well..the few we had togetheri here that were fun, just played them through my head.

My mind also put my head through many other scenarios that lead to Connor Dying cause is wasn’t fast enough, But my mind was put to rest When Connor was back. I noticed that they put a single crutch next to Connor’s bed so I’m guessing he will need to use that to get around for a while. 

Anyways though the memories I remember times where I had to find Connor for a group therapy session he was trying to get out of. And another was the time Connor showed me a couple of hiding places I could use if I wanted. Anxious thoughts race through my head. I need some fresh air, and with that I race to the garden. When I got out there, there is nobody out there, I relax. Leaning my body against the strong trunk of the single tree in there.

Along with the relaxation I feel tiredness creep up on me. Fighting it off I check the time on a watch my mom was allowed to bring me. It was pretty unbreakable with no sharp edges so it is allowed. It is 3:25. I already had done all the thing on my schedule up until group therapy except Breakfast as well so I missed getting my pills, shit. I’m definitely not in the good mind set to go to group therapy and it’s already half way through so I’ll Stay. 

It was 3:30 when someone walked in. I was hiding in a spot that Connor showed me Incase a nurse walked in and seeing in not where I am supposed to be. I don’t even dare to peak out Incase I get caught. I can hear footsteps meeting the soft damp soil. **Thump thump thump**  It’s dark in here.

I hear another person walk in. The creak of the door closing was muffled. They start to talk. The voices were also muffled. After some silence the door opens and closes again. Is it another person or are one of them leaving? I don’t want to look. I hear walking again. Definitely isn’t the person before. This seems different, more sloppy, as if they are struggling, and they are walking this way. Being able to tell this is weird, But also I guess it’s a part of having one of your senses being cut off enhancing your others.

”Evan I know you in there” I recognize the voice. Connor.

He speaks again. “I’m heading in, I’ve Got something to help light up the spot cause Its usually dark in there at this time.” He passes something in. A flashlight. I Don’t know how he got that but not complaining. I turn it on and help Connor in. 

“Be careful,” I say softly as he climbs in bringing the crutch in as well acsye there definitely is space for it.

he snorts “No shit” we’ve definitely have gotten closer over the time we’ve been here. A bit of silence passes over us before he speaks. 

“Hey, sorry you had to see that.” He apologizes

”It’s fine, but I have a question for you.”

”shoot”

”um...why are you here?” I ask cringing from how quiet I asked.

he sighs “Knew this was going to come up sooner or later..., so, wanna know the truth?”

I nod

”Well..here it goes. You know how I have anger issues?”

”Yeah?”

”some believe it’s a cause I have BPD or something, like I’m messed up in the head through a mental illness.”

”I don’t think your messed up..”

he snorts “Thanks Kid, but anyways I probably do have that but also I have something else. Cancer.”

my eyes widen. He has Cancer? Oh god. And this place is where the terminal people go.....shit...he is going to die.

he seemed to pick up on my shock “yep. I’m pretty much going to die. The reason why I wanted you to stay away at first was that people with this type of cancer are like ticking time bombs. Is called the asshole cancer for a reason. We are unpredictable. We can snap at any moment. So..can you remember anything just remember I am pretty much a ticking timebomb. I can blow up at any moment. Also before you ask why I still have all my hair, it’s a wig. I don’t want people figuring out about it through how I went fucking bald so I got my family to buy me a wig”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W O A H THE BIG REVEAL!!!


	9. Take things slow (Read notes at end please)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some good ol’ Fluff for the soul!

 The rest of the day went slowly after Connor reveals why he is there. We just sat there talking. I found out that Connor is getting a new nurse for when he has to go through chemo treatments and it ends up being my mom so that’s good I guess. After that we snuck back in and when we went back to the room Connor went straight to bed. Must of tired him out. He shoudn’t strain his body though cause he needs to keep his body well. But before he went to bed I asked him something.

”How long do you have left?” 

He glances my way not meeting my eyes. “About a bit more then year. They want to release me soon just only have check ups with me twice a week. They want to have me at least live a bit more before dying.”

”Do you have a bucket list?”

”You think? Of course I do Hansen!”

I chuckle under my breath. “Well...is they want to get you out of here soon then I think we should be getting out at the same time. And with that we can live out your bucket list items and hope they find a way to cure you”

“You want to do that for me?”

”of course! We’re friend...right?” I Ask cautiously hoping I didn't offend him.

he smiles “Sure. Friends” he then continued “By the way how long do they think they are going to keep you?”

”Oh..about two weeks. It has been two weeks and I’m only supposed to be here for a month” I reply

”I’ll ask if I could get brought out of here by then. Really I’m only really here anymore cause I didn’t Exactly want to go home yet.” He says

“You know you don’t have to leave here cause I’m going soon..I can’t force you.”

”Hansen. I want to do this.”

”Oh...ok”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! So I have another story! It’s called Looking for Connor and it’s a Dear Evan Hansen looking for Alaska crossover so since it’s a John green book that’s it’s based off of you know what’s coming.


	10. The day they leave.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family time between Evan and Heidi!

The weeks seemed to go by quickly and now I am sitting on my bed, packing away the stuff I had here, and waiting for a nurse to come get me and allow me to leave with my mom who is getting out of work early to bring me home and keep an eye on for a whole day, cause supposedly I have to have someone low an eye on me a whole 24 hours after getting out. Connor’s parents came to get him earlier so it’s just me. There is a knock at the door and a nurse peers in 

“Your mother is here.” The nurse informs me.

I simply nod getting up with my bag of little clothes and my potted plant. The nurse leads me over to where mom was waiting. Once we arrive over near my mom the nurse gives a simple nod and leaves. We walk silently to the car. Right as I finish putting my stuff in the car mom gives me a hug. I was surprised from the sudden hug, but hugs back.

”I’m glad you are back Ev.” She says with a smile. 

I smile back weakly “I’m glad i’m Back too mom” We then get in the car and leave for home. 

We get home, I immediatley go to my room setting down my suitcase and plant, then head down. Mom slides my phone across the table.

“It’s 4:25, How about you pick a movie, and We can order some pizza and watch movies, how does that sound?” Mom asks. 

“sure” I respond grabbing my phone. mom nods going to order the pizza and I sit on the couch ironing it on, putting on Netflix, and scrolling through the movies. I stop on a movie. Heathers. Mom walks in and sees the one I choosen.

”Heathers, nice choice!” We sit and watch till the pizza arrives. I pause it well mom goes to pay. She comes back with two paper plates, two cups, the pizza, and a liter bottle of dr. Pepper, my favorite. She sets down the stuff on the table. She puts each of us a cup of soda well I put pizza on the plates for both of us. She finished as I did. She sits down and I push play, And we eat well watching Heathers. 

After the movie mom sighs. “I can’t be here all day cause of collage so I called Jared to keep an eye on you. He Should Be over soon. That’s also why I ordered a large pizza instead of a medium. My eyes widen. Jared’s coming over? Right after We I yelled at him that one time? Oh god oh god oh god- Mom picked up on my panic. 

“Do you not want him over?” She asks.

”n-no...it’s fine.” I say, lying. She just nods. 

“You call me if you need anything dear.”

”Ok..” 

she gets up stretching. There is a knock at the door. Smiling mom heads over opening the door. It’s Jared.

”Good evening Ms. Hansen!”

”Jared, you know you can call me Heidi dear.”

”Right, sorry anyways I’m here now”

mom nods and goes to change into something that’s not her scrubs. as she leaves she quickly yells to call her if they need anything, and with that I’m alone, in the house, With Jared Kleinman, the same one who was an asshole to me throughout highschool and the one who tried to apologize to me about being an asshole to me but I yelled at him in return. What did I do to get this?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyy here’s a new update!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mmmm yeah Jared’s back

Jared plops in the seat beside me when mom leaves. He noticed the pizza. 

“Fuck yeah!” And takes a slice of it. We sit in silence Jared eating pizza and myself not really wanting to start a conversation. After a while Jared grabs another piece and looks over to me.

”so what’s it like being free from that jail?”

”It wasn’t jail, Jared...”

”yeah, but must of felt like it. I heard Connor Murphy was staying there too, and I bet it must of been hell for you.”

”Connor isn’t that bad..” I respond softly

”did you meet him there?”

“We were roommates” I say

” _roommates??_ And you are still  _alive??_ Holy shit Ev!”

“He isn’t that bad. Plus he came to comfort me after _that_ Happened,” I notice Jared go still. “Plus I’m sorry I yelled at you. I Don’t know what came over me..”

”Hey, it’s fine dude. Plus I understand why you would be mad at me. I was an asshole to you those years.” He says smoothly.

”But I didn’t need to yell at you..” 

“We all make mistakes. I should know that” he snorts “You wanna maybe start over? This time we maybe could be actual friends instead of Family friends” He asks a bit of hope in his eyes.

I nod. He smiles 

he sticks out his hand “Hi my name is Jared Kleinman nice to meet you!”

I accept his hand. “Hi my name is Evan Hansen nice to meet you too.”

 

After a bit Jared somehow convinced me to go over to his house for a camp fire. Im a bit sensitive to the July summer heat but Jared convinced me with us making s’mores, that it’s cool out, and I’m allowed to invite someone I’d I wanted. First I texted mom asking if it was fine. She accepted. Then I text Connor. Before Connor and I left the rehab Connor quickly gave me his phone number and email if we wanted to use email. 

**To: Connor**

_Hey it’s Evan._

**From: Connor**

_hey_

**To: Connor**

_so Jared ended up having to keep an eye on me cause mom had to work so we ended up apologizing and are on better terms now. So we are having a  campfire and I wanna know if you wanna join?_

****From: Connor** **

_does Kleinman know that I’m coming?_

**To: Connor**

_no but he said I could invite someone. I can make sure Jared doesn’t he rude to you if that’s why you are wondering._

**From: Connor**

_ok sure. I’ll come really it’s Only Zoe at the house at the moment and I can ask her. She probably won’t give a fuck._

**From: Connor**

_actually no. Scratch that. She said she wants to come._

**To: Connor:**

_she can come if she wants._

**From: Connor**

_she was looking over my shoulder and is already starting to get ready. Help_

**To: Connor**

_good luck_

and with that I set my phone down and hear it buzz again. I don’t bother to look at it. 

”Let’s get going”

* * *

 

I already texted Connor the address as Jared sets up the fire. I hear a buzz from my phone. It’s Connor. It’s probably him saying they have arrived.

“Hey the people I invited are here i’ll Show them around back.” I yell to Jared. He grunts in response as he tries to get the fire going. I go to the front to See Connor and Zoe talking out front. I Run over getting them. They look up. Connor smirks.

“Sup Hansen.” Connor says putting his hand on my shoulder. Zoe looks me over. I shift awkwardly under her gaze. She seems to accept it and smile softly 

“Shoud we get going?” She asks. 

I nod “y-yeah Let’s get going” I respond and show them around back. They follow. When I get back Jared seemed to get the fire going and is watching his masterpiece smugly. He glances over the fire light reflecting off his glasses. He smirks.

”So you called over the Murphy’s?”

“Yeah And?” I ask.

”Nothing. Nothing. C’mon let’s sit. We dragged out the good camp chairs after all.” And with that we sat. We talked for a bit before some look flashed over Jared’s face. 

“Oh I forgot! We should of grabbed the soda! Evan! Why don’t you grab it! You can bring Connor along too.”

I flash a look over to Connor he shrugs getting up. I set up also and we go over to the house. As we walk in Connor Speaks up.

”So why are you talking to him Again?” He asks 

“He kinda...just wanted to start over on the friendship..” I say. Connor nods. I look over the soda. “So....Moutain dew? Jared is kinda skeptical over regular so he only gets Mountain Dew Red. Like the original. He gets If from this guy who was suggested to him by a gamer friend. And this is also the guy who made him skeptical about it. Don’t know why. I think he said something about a “squip”? Or something? But other then that he has Dr. Pepper and Coke. Which one you want?”

”Coke’s Fine with me”

I nod grabbing the case and heading out. Connor Follwing behind opening things If I can’t Open it. 

“Thanks dude!” Says Jared as I set down the soda.

the Night goes by smoothly. No fights between Jared and Connor. It was peaceful actually. We laughed. Drank soda, made s’mores till midnight. Then we all left. Jared brought me home.

”Let’s do this another time” Jared suggests and I unlock the house. I look back to him “Sure” and we head inside. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhh
> 
> Writing is hard. But I enjoy it so...it’s fine?


	12. First bucket list item

Connor and I planned to do his first bucket list item today. To be honest I find it weird what his first thing was. A spa day. I questioned him about it but he brushed it off. He is planning on coming over at three with the items.

I don't know how he managed to convince me to join him but he did and also Jared somehow managed to hear about it and also wanted to join for who knows what reason, but right now I’m sitting on the couch snacks brought by Jared laid out on the table, and he is scrolling through memes on whatever social media he is on.

I fear asking him due to last time I asked something like that Jared literally grabbed my phone making me a Account on it...and that’s how I got my instagram. There is a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it” I say as I get up. Jared simply nods. I open the door to see Connor carrying quite a few bags. I quickly grab some of the bags from him.

“I’ll carry these” he nods We enter the living Room. Jared looks up and smirks

“Waddup you gay fucks!” Connor glares and a blush spreads on my face.

“J-Jared!! We...we are just friends..” Jared cackles and sits up moving some of the stuff off the table back into the bag.

“Well...set up you two and we can get this going!” We set the stuff up. Connor speaks up after a bit

“I didn’t know Kleinman was gonna be here so I didn’t bring enough stuff”

“I wasn’t even gonna join anyways I just wanted to witness this gay shit going down today”

“Aren’t you gay though Jared?”

“Fuck. Ev Don’t expose me in front of  _him_!” 

Connor just snorts as he sets up the face masks. 

“Evan. Can you look my way I’m gonna apply the face mask to your face” Connor says tapping my shoulder and I turn to face him. He immediately gets to work. It feels cool on my face but nice? I don’t know..but I like it. Anyways after h finished applying it to my face  Connor ties his hair into a bun and gets to work on his own using a mirror to apply. After he finished, 

“It should Take about 15 minuets to dry. After that we peel it off slowly. For now we should find something to do.” I nod glancing around quickly. My eyes land on Connor’s nails. The nail polish seems to be peeling off. Should need a new coat soon. 

“Maybe we can...paint our nails? Or you can just do it Connor...I just noticed how your nail polish is coming off...”

he glances down at his nails. “Your right...” he pulls out a bag, I’m guessing full of nail polish vials. He searches through the bag pulling out some colors: Black. probably for Connor, Blue. Don’t know why that was chosen, and some others. A sparkly red also in the mix. 

Connor coughs awkwardly. “Do...do you want me to paint yours? It helps with nail biting...” I glance down to my bitten to the skin nails.

“Sure” I respond. Connor nods grabbing the blue.

“I’m guessing you want that?” He ask looking up. I nod.  He gets to work. As he concentrates on my nails I get some good looks at him. His hetochromic eyes. Icy blue with a  bit of a warm brown in his left. Its...comforting. Something else I notice is how his toung sticks out slightly form the side out his mouth as he works. It’s cute....he’s cute...I flinch from the thought. Connor Glances up. 

“You ok Hansen?”

”y-yeah..I’m ok” he shrugs and gets back to work after that. “Now Don’t move your hands that much till it’s dry you might mess up the polish. After it’s done i’ll Put a clear coat over it. It’ll last longer.” I nod not even daring to move my hands. I glance over to Jared who has seemed to be trying to use the sparkly red and failing. I chuckle at that. He glares and flips me off with his non painted hand. Connor looks up Jared. 

“Wow your making a mess of my nail polish”

”why the fuck would you have a sparkly red?” Jared retorts

”why the fuck are you using my sparkly red?” Connor responds. Jared glares and simply returns to it. 

“Actually all this is Zoe’s but I like to steal it often. She bairly uses it anyways so i’m Putting it to use”

Connor then starts on his nails. After a bit when Connor’s nails are dry along with mine he puts the clear layer on both our nails. After that also dries he smiles in accomplishment. Jared also found some Crackle and started using that. By the time that was over the face masks were surly done. We get them off then after that watch movies eating the snacks Jared brought. It was...a satisfying day. Mom came home later with Pizza. 

When mom enters she looks to us. When her eyes land On Connor she smiles. “I’m guessing you’re Connor?” 

“That’s Correct Miss. Hansen”

“Manors. Nice. And please call me Heidi” she sets the Pizzas down.

Jared snorted when Mom said Connor has manors and I just elbow him. 

“You’ve wounded me Evan!” Jared says dramatically. 

“Shut up” I say and roll my eyes at Jared’s dramatic display. Mom just shakes her head. 

“I shoud have enough pizza for us all so..dig in!” And with that we all eat pizza chatting happily. Mom pulls me aside before she has to leave.

”I’m proud of you honey. I head about Connor’s condition but...you’ll be good for him. He doesn’t deserve what he has but...at least he deserves a friend like you. He has little chance of living more then a year but at least his year will be good.” Mom smiles patting my shoulder and leaves. I sit there prosessing what she said. I snap out of it after I hear Jared yell my name. With that I put on a smile and went there way. 

Yes. This will be a good year For Connor. I’ll make sure of it.


	13. Some quality friendship time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They hang out!

 The next thing on Connor’s list is gonna be hard. Connor wanted to visit the gulf coast. And that would take more then 9 hours at the least. So right now we are just planning. We haven’t got a confirmed date but we are planning sometime in a week or so right now it’s just Connor, Jared who said if he could come he would help pay for gas prices and food. Which cause of that we allowed him to do so. And me.

So as of now we are putting together a schedule on when who drives at what time. Connor and Jared switch of driving, I get to read of directions, and Jared drives from 6am- 6pm and Connor drives the rest. Connor said he was fine with it due to having horrible sleep issues and he just need Coffee. He is also welcome to sleep during the day if he needs to.i get snapped out of my thoughts as one of them calls my name.

”Ev!” 

I snap my head in the direction of the voice. It was Jared. He cackles 

“Jeez dot get whiplash from that dude” 

Connor hits Jared on The head to shut him up then speaks.

“We were gonna Ask you, do you think the driver should get to choose the music?”

I nod. Connor writes it down as Jared complains on how his head hurts now. I take a chip from the bag on the table. Jared brought snacks again. I swear he always has to have snacks on him. I munch on the chip in thought as Connor and Jared start talking again.

“I’m guessing you got the snacks covered Jared?”

”of course! I already have all the snacks. I know all the snacks we like.”

”how the fuck-“

”I did it by what kinds snacks you grabbed when I bring them”

I pipe in “By the way Jared, why do you always bring snacks?”

”a hang outs not complete without something to munch on. Plus you gotta admit to being the good shit over.”

I nod thoughtfully. Connor just snorts but says nothing. 

“So, when do you wanna do this?” I add in.

”next Monday?” Connor suggests

I look to Jared. “I’m free” he shrugs. With that I nod in comfirmation.

”next Monday then” I make this matter final

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I’m literally making Jared just the snack person™️ Help


	14. The trip p1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tHEY GOIN ON A T R I P

__Today is the day of the trip to the gulf coast. All our parents are allowing us so now we sit, at 6 in the morning, in a SUV of the Murphy’s driving to the coast. Jared put on a Spring Awakening soundtrack saying that we are gonna be crying our asses off  by the end. I’ve heard the soundtrack before due to Jared blasting it whenever he can. Connor apparently hasn’t though which caused Jared to give a dramatic gasp and immediately put it in. Connor said he wouldn’t cry, but in the end he was trying to hide his face away from our view but he was crying.

“Why the fuck did those two have to die? Why the fuck-“

”mmmm I know”

”Kleinman don’t quote that”

”mmmmmmm I knnnnooowwwww” 

and Connor threw a box of cheezos at Jared. Jared just cackled as he continues driving.

”Yo Ev, choose the next CD!”

”Um..ok” I say as I grab the box. Flipping through I find the Moana soundtrack. What can I say I’m a sucker for Disney. I also find the Newsies one. I glance to Connor.

”Moana or Newsies?”

”Obviously Newsies!”

I slide the CD and the overture starts up. I smile in satisfaction.

and now we are bopping to Newsies. 

I glance through the bucket list written down by Connor that he gave me. One of them was visit an apple orchard. I glance up and remember there was an abandoned apple orchard near here. 

“Jared turn right at the next dirt road.” I state. Jared gives me a confused glance but complies. I glance back to Connor. He sees the sign showing the apple orchard sign and a look of nostalgia flashes over him. He glances to me.

”How did you know?” He asks

”Well...I didn’t exactly know...but I remembered there was a apple orchard here so...and one of the things on the bucket list was visit an apple orchard again.”

”oh...well thanks” 

I give him a simple smile

”Guys...you realize it’s abandoned?” Jared points out

”Yeah...but At least once I wanted to break into an abandoned place and I found the chance..”

Jared glares at Connor ”you’ve corrupted my son”

“He’s joined the dark side Kleinman. We offered cookies and trees to Evan and he accepted. May you join us too?”

”Nah, But im coming along to make sure Ev won’t get murdered. Heidi will kill me if he gets hurt.” And with that Jared climbs over the fence before unlocking it and opening it saying “Ladies first” with a shit eating grin as he motions to us. Connor just flips him off as I roll my eyes. That’s Jared for you guys.


	15. Apple orchard (And A La Mode)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They hang out in the abandoned orchard and just...talk. (Ft. Jared Kleinman’s sassy comments)

As we enter it’s not exactly a pretty sight. Even though the apple trees are covered in apples the ground around them is still covered in dead apples. You could tell it was obviously abandoned. Connor just glances around.

“Not how you remember, huh Murphy?” Jared snarks.

”Was never enchanted with the entrence in the first place Kleinman.”

Connor then glances towards a row of trees. “C’mon I remember a better area.” And with that he starts walking in that direction. I immediately follow behind. Jared on the other hand, Seems to hesitate, but follows anyways. We weave through trees and signs before coming across a path. We go on the path and after a while it opens to a field framed with trees. He grins. 

“Exactly how I remember.”

we find a spot and settle down. After a bit I speak up.

”so... you’ve been here before?”

Connor nods in confirmation.

”I’d lie to hear what it was like when it was still open.”

”Well...it was..interesting. Not many people knew this place existed, sadly. Maybe if people came more it wouldn’t of shut down.”

”Hey Ev,” Jared asks getting my attention. “didn’t your mom want to take you here once when you were younger?”

”yeah..I think so...but she just simply said an orchard. But going off how this is the closet orchard it was probably this one.”

”Why didn’t you go?” Connor questions.

”oh..I caught a bad flu and got really sick. We never really thought about going since.”

”oh...”

I just shrug. Glancing to the sky I smile. It’s Quite a nice day out. Sun shining, little to no clouds. 

After a while we started pointing out clouds we find interesting. Jared kept pointing out the ones that look like dicks. It was fun. Just Connor, Jared, and I. Hanging out. It makes me feel like I actually have friends. Which the thought of that makes me smile. After a while we go out. As we enter the Car, which Connor stated he will drive. Jared complained but didn’t stop him. He drives about a mile or so but then pulls into this parking lot.

”Uh..where are we?” I ask.

”Only the best ice cream place of all time, a la mode!” Connor Exclaimed “My family used to go here all the time. They have killer strawberry ice cream. I’m gonna but You some. Kleinman can buy his own though.”

“Oh fuck you”

”Sure time and place?”

”can you please not?” I interject

they stop and Connor just leads the way inside, Jared mumbling well following. We enter and Connor leads us to the counter. By the looks of the decor it’s a 50’s vintage design. The person at the counter asks for what we want. I just get a double scoop of strawberry in a bowl. Connor gets a strawberry cone, and Jared gets something called Superman ice cream. It’s really colorful and Jared claims it’s the best kind. Connor leads us outside and we eat out on the tables outside and head out again. 


	16. NOT A UPDATE SORRY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read. Important

Dear readers,

I’m sorry about this but I’m putting it on hiatus.

I’m off from school but I’m Kinda just loosing inspiration for this story. Yes I’m still gonna write DEH stories but this one’ll be quiet for a while. That while is unknown. Sometime hopefully i’ll Decide to re-write this cause it’s not exactly the best and it’s really my first one i’ve Done on here. I’m even surprised at the attention it got. 

I have another story i’ll Probably be working on called the unlikely pair. It’s a Cotton candy and hunters AU story for those interested I actually recommend looking the AU up it’s quite good! Anyways, Astro, signing off with a salute and a sad smile.


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